A Woman's letter to the world!

Dear World,

I am a woman. A woman who constantly juggles her personal life and professional life yet is always taken for granted and never appreciated. If only you had to hire someone for everything I did, man you would be broke!
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“Keti bhayera dherai chumchum nagare hunxa. Bihe garera ghar chodne jaat hos, aafno thaauma bas”  if I would get a penny every time I had heard this I would have already been a billionaire with my photo in the Forbes list.
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Men based in Australia searching for nurses as their wives (because its economically profitable) is normal but if I search a business tycoon, Hey I am an official gold digger.
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And if I am a goal digger, its worse ain’t it? I mean that would make me arrogant and a bad mother right? And again if I clean my husband’s bank account I am definitely gonna be the highlight of the kitty party. If a male boss is stiff he is commanding if I do the same I am bossy. If I don’t respond when you approach as I am waiting for my drink in a bar I am arrogant and if I do I am ready to get in your pants. What logic!

Why is it that I am judgmental if I focus on appearances of a guy at the very first hand when I get marriage proposal but it’s not same in the men’s case if they look for bigger assets?

As I walk towards my office, it infuriates me when people say "Ek haatle taali Bajdaina" after reading news on rape cases. Seriously? Now tell me that a five year old goes to 40 years old and asks for it. Tell me a 75 years old woman who can barely walk gets raped because she is horny. (Claps)

If a guy enters to my home my neighbors beat Shakespeare and FBI. One for developing drama and second for too much of investigation. With their tiny minds and bigger mouths they keep on trumpeting. But hey whatever happens, the guy isn’t the one to be blamed. Blame on me. (Nods)

If I reach to a guy’s home it’s definite that I am to be blamed. How dare I go to my friend’s home? How dare I invite my friend in my home? Isn’t it giving him an open invitation? Let him awkwardly stand outside the gate in the scorching sun. Chuck the Atithi devo bhava. (Salute)

As soon as I hit 20s I am asked to learn cooking. Not because it is a skill that all human should possess but because hey my husband would not and could not do that. How can I believe males can’t cook when Gordon Ramsey (considered to be world’s best chef) is a god damn male? How can I believe males can’t cook when I find only male chefs with white aprons and white caps in every hotels and restaurants I go?

The worst one calling everything PMS. If I am angry it is assumed that I am going through that time of month. If I am sick, again that time of month. Then starts the custom of naming PMS as “naatak”. Before you call our PMS tantrums or nakhara or naatak do you have the slightest idea of how painful it is? I know now you will come up with the question do you know how painful it gets when someone hits you on your balls? No. I don’t have them so no. But do you get hit on your balls every 5 days a month? Nervous breakdowns, cramps, back pain, nausea, irritation, dizziness, bloating hits you all at the same time and you expect us to be normal?

If I am short who marries a Lilliput? If I am tall how will I find a boy? I mean who marries a walking Gulliver? If I am fat I am not a marriage material. Who is gonna marry me when I occupy two seats in a public vehicle? Fats only in ass and breasts look good not everywhere. And again If I am skinny (skinny enough to be called a toothpick or for the air to blow me) how can I carry my baby’s weight? Why am I just talking about marriage? Isn’t it the only thing that women are born for according to the society? If I don’t get married wouldn’t my relatives and neighbors be jobless? (Smirks)

Let’s suppose I am a rebel who marries the person I love. This love shuv should happen after marriage right? Considering that suppose I am a rebel. Once again it’s not the man to be blamed. I mean which man approaches for love? There are two people in a relationship but it’s only the woman to be interrogated, blamed and bashed. No one says hey you are a Nepali man you need to marry the girl who your parents choose, do they?

From the very first ritual and very first day I am expected to start my marital journey with sacrificing my surname and the list never ends. If I am sick any day then the line would be “biraami raixau. Dal bhaat pakaayera bhaada maajideu ani kapda haru dhoideu and satta bhui pusera rest gara na ta.” Why is it that you worship fictitious women but at times forget that we should be treated at least like a human being?

Why do I become “unmotherly” when I say I am not ready for a baby but my husband doesn’t become “unfatherly” if he says the same? Why is it okay for him to be career focused but not for me? Realizing that it’s me who has those mammary glands and uterus shouldn’t I be equally ready too?And if I am not ready to give birth I should be ready to hear words like infertile, baajho and what not? The worst part those words hardly come from men.

85% in bachelors degree, super pretty, topper of her batch. Well I am not talking about me that's my best friend. How you wish to be like her? How I wish no one has life like hers. A day before her boards too she is expected to organize a feast for her in-laws while her husband and  mother in law sit idle with their legs on the table. With smile attached on her face, she works without complaints. Only I remember her face when she said that she would never look at her in laws once she steps the foreign land. And you ask why do women these days want men who have settled outside Nepal?

“My wife is so childish” before you say that while munching those cashew nuts with whiskey on the rocks remember how much of care and attention you demand and how possessive you are. Okay I am not saying you to be charged up every single time. I know when we ourselves are not in a state to understand problems around us, you aren’t a god to get it. But at least stand besides and listen to it rather than just pretending.
 
I know it isn’t fair for me to blame men completely for the pain we have been going through. We women ourselves are responsible too. When women bash women, keep on backbiting about each other, treat daughter in laws poorly just because they didn’t come loaded with dowry, treat them harshly if they didn’t give birth to a male child and if they themselves do not support women our expectations from men seems futile.

See the world is neither men’s nor women’s; it’s ours. The fact that there are good men too cannot be fathomed. All I am saying is I want more of the good men and more of the good women. It’s not only babies that are born out of unison of male and female. The entire world becomes brighter if we are in a symphony. Maybe men have come from Mars and we from Venus but we have settled in earth and we should make it beautiful. Let’s share the load emotionally, financially and morally. It will not make me less of a woman and you less of a man.

Hoping for a change.
 
Yours faithfully,

A woman.

Mandatory Birthday Blog

My sister knows it the best. Though I act pretty calm and composed as soon as April hits, I am mentally counting every single moment like 3 days more, 2 days more, one day more until my birthday does come.

Every year my birthday starts at 12:00 a.m when my sister wakes me up (I act like I am in deep sleep) and yells and takes the entire home on her head (yet my parents are snoring and completely unaware) :D It’s been like a yearly culture I guess.

And as always my parents forget my birthday, if not reminded everyday starting from March. The only difference is, my mom acts confident as hell even if she forgets it while my dad comes up with crappy excuses and facial expressions too funny to digest.

Nevertheless, thank you everyone. Your wishes really made my day and I really need it as the silver jubilee of my life is just round the corner and it’s definitely not an exhilarating feeling. The dreadful no. 24 (for an age), did in fact bring some wisdom into my life and would like to share my top 24 (definitely not liking the no. already :3)

1)      YOUR MOM IS ALWAYS RIGHT

Yes!! It took me 24 years to realize that one’s mom is always right (99.99%). She has those superhuman eyes that look onto the other soul and can tell in a split of a second if the other individual makes for a right company or not.

2) YOUR LIFE IS GONNA HAVE MORE TWISTS THAN GOT.

Watching GOT always made me feel that drama was filled to the brim for a series and nothing in reality could even come at par with it.  Guess what?  You’ve never been more mistaken in your life, for it’s going to be in your very own life.

Fake people, people who’d put the Mimic Octopus to shame for its exceptional fooling(mimicry) capabilities, and people who fabricate stories faster than you can hit the snooze button early morning will be in plentiful number and be wary of them.

3) NO ONE IS PERFECT. THAT’S THE REASON YOUR LOVED ONES ARE SENT TO THE EARTH: TO FILL UP THE EMPTY SPACES AND MAKE YOUR LIFE PERFECT.

4) THERE’S NOTHING WORSE THAN BEING IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF BEING LONELY

If people make you doubt on yourself, feel trapped then just run as far as you can from those toxic people. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing is more important than your well-being. Better alone than with the wrong ones.

5) RIGHT PEOPLE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH YOUR HARDEST TIMES

No complaints no demands (maybe just one allowed: P)

6) CELEBRATE AT THE SLIGHTEST GIVEN CHANCE

Always find an excuse to pamper yourself even if it means binge eating and going above the 2500 cals bar or taking yourself on a long ride or a date. (just make sure to go healthy then)

7) YOU ARE YOURS BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE

There’s nothing wrong in being self-centered unless it’s at the expense of someone else. Love yourself like there’s no other. Light those aromatic candles, sip a cup of coffee and most importantly be the hero of your life.

8) CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY

Not every attack demands a counter and not every accusation needs to be cleared out. People who believe in you will dump those accusations the very instance and the rest aren’t worth explaining. Thus direct your energy for the right cause.

9) DON’T SAVE YOUR VOICE FOR TOMORROW

If something’s bothering you clear it out that very instance. Trust me the relief of getting over a burden is just soothing.   

10) BE THE BIGGER WO/MAN & LET IT GO

Well hearing that from an Aries is definitely unusual. I really had a list inspired by Aarya Stark, my list of vengeance. But these 24 years have taught me it’s too heavy a burden to hold on. Despite having witnessed multitudes of deception & being a non-believer of the ‘Cycle of Karma’, I chose my freedom from the feeling of revenge. Investing time on something to rid of it is just counter-productive on its very own.

11) DON’T TRUST PEOPLE EASILY

A lesson hard learned; Let people earn your trust don’t bestow it upon them. Don’t give it out as a handout. 

12) ONE MINUTE OF POSITIVITY = ONE LESS MINUTE ON NEGATIVITY

Time is the most luxurious commodity you’ll ever have

13) CLICK PICTURES

It’s always better to live the moment instead of clicking them, but snaps do help you on your walk down the memory lane.

14) YOU CAN’T BE EVERYWHERE

No matter how hard you try or how good you are at multitasking you will always miss some things in life. Thus enjoy what you have around you.

15)  KEEP IT SHORT?? NYAHH MAKE IT LONG

Hey I am not talking about the length of the clothes but about making your answers long (answer in exams) However practical teachers are and they ask to write to the point and not copy their notes and believe in originality, at the end of the day they prefer length. Marks in Nepal are directly proportional to the length of your answers and at times it doesn’t even matter if the answer you have written makes logic or not. (Students of Science and management performing calculations don’t have to agree on this)

16)  YOU GET USED TO THINGS
Going through a rough patch? Give it time (yes a cliché) I won’t lie saying things will get better but you will definitely get used to it, and you do learn to deal with it bit by bit and better by the day. Every one’s life is fifty shades fucked up. Might sound pessimistic but that’s the reality.

17) DON’T MAKE PROMISES IF YOU CAN’T KEEP IT

Our words and promises mean nothing unless we back them up with actions. It shakes faith from promises and establishes the point promises are meant to be broken.

18 ) YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE IMMUNE TO PAINFUL FEELINGS

 Taught to me by best friend Dikshant Rajbhandari; you don’t have to be immune to be pain. Feel every sensation around you. Cherish all the small moments and the tiny bits we try and ignore. Feel the pain, feel the heartbreak, and feel the helplessness. Cry, scream do whatever it takes for your heart to heal. For it’s not about being immune to pain but having fear, pain and problems still having the courage and ability to deal with it.

19) THE WORLD IS FILLED WITH IDIOTS, BE AS STRONG AS MRF TYRES :P

You tend to and also need to develop a thick skin, for you can’t respond to all that comes your way.

20) GOOD FOOD CAN IMPROVE YOUR MOOD BABAY!

Trust me on this. Eat your heart’s fill for after your 20s your tummy starts responding

21) EXPECTATIONS SCREW YOU UP WHETHER IT’S FROM YOURSELF OR OTHERS

22) YOU CAN’T TRAIN YOUR MIND TO BE RIGID

You might have been crying a moment ago and laughing this instance, hated someone but like them now. It’s human mind and it’s impossible to keep a leash on every emotion, for its racing faster than Usain Bolt. For that’s how human are and it’s okay.

23) DON’T TAKE PEOPLE FOR GRANTED

Here I give major focus to our parents. You think you have grown old. Every time we go to school or catch up for a re-union it shocks us how fast we have grown and it hits harder when some of our friends are now parents.

One thing to realize is that if we have grown old so have our parents. Witnessing my friends deal with the demise of their parents is very troubling to the core. Thus appreciate the people you have in your life.

24) FOCUS ON MULTIPLYING HAPPINESS RATHER THAN ELIMINATING PAIN

The more one thinks about pain the more one’s empowering it. Focus on the good emotions and don’t be hesitant to tell people that you’re missing them, love them, appreciate their skills. So I started investing on my happiness which has made me happy. 

Restructuring the structure of Teaching

Slap.

The teacher threw her notebook.  Bell rang and the teacher left the class.

The student was still crying.

“Come outside” I took her to a corridor so that she could open up.

“What happened?” I asked.

She didn’t speak for a while. I went back to class gave an assignment to the remaining students and returned to the corridor. I raised my eyebrows.

 “I know they have been treating me in this way because I am poor. The day I become rich I will make sure that I will take revenge” she said.  

“Bhaako chai k thyo?” I asked again

“I don’t know how to pronounce many English words as I came from government school. My English teacher had given me an assignment to mug all question answers up. I couldn’t answer it and I got slapped.” she was still crying.

Having faced corporal punishment myself from getting thrashed by  bamboo canes to getting pencil pressed in between my fingers, from doing up and down for 150 times and being barely able to walk  to getting hit with duster on knuckles, I knew how punishments tasted like. I knew the pain.

“Bring the notebook” I asked. I wrote the pronunciation of all tough words in Nepali alphabets so that she could read it out with meanings.

“Look at it during lunch if you don’t get it, ask me after the classes end.” I said

She hugged me and went away. 

That day I still didn’t have much idea on what kind of teacher should I become but I did understand what kind of teacher I shouldn’t be like. Here are 8 basic things a teacher needs to clearly understand:

     1)   Ever wondered why bouquets have multiple flowers?

When you yourself wouldn’t want to eat same food every day and wear same dress every time how valid is it to expect all of your students to be same? If all students were meant to be same why would we have so much of professions? Thus, embrace the uniqueness of each student and let them be as they are. Don’t assume the future of students because time is bigger than your assumptions.  Don’t expect a giraffe to fly and a crow to swim. Everyone has their own path and let them trod in their own ways.

"If only you used your mind on studies like you use it on guitar"

"In my 10 years of teaching, I have never seen a student as useless as you"

"Why are you wasting your parent's money?"

"You're never going to amount to anything" 

Sounds familiar?

Next time you say it, remember every individual is different. 

    2)   Get out of the bubble- mugging books won’t be enough

"Your daughter is really sharp. You must see the ways she leads. You must see how she always speaks against wrong fearlessly.You must see  how she debates. You must see how she never loses in any competitions. I can't assure you about the toppers but your daughter has a very bright future. Mark my words.You must be proud of her. "
   

      This was what my Compulsory Mathematics teacher said to my mom during parents teachers meeting in grade 10. All the parents started looking at me. Remember I had flunked in two subjects then, both mathematics. I felt really happy at that time as those words saved me from my moms punishment but today I feel way more better for he was the man who made me realize there's a world outside the books.

How can you expect your students to be creative when you impose them to write mugged up answers? Do you think an Oscar winner will be asked how much percentage did s/he secure? No.  Do you think a fashion designer whose designs sell like hot cakes will be asked if he has any gold medals? No. But aren’t they excelling?

No one has changed this world by mugging books. Don’t let formal studies judge a student’s capacity. Real world challenges are beyond the books. If they are good with studies awesome but don’t make it the only criteria.

    3)   Don’t make the students feel dumb

How can you expect your student to be confident when you thrash them every time they ask out of the box questions? Teachers are teachers and students are students for a reason. Students are trying to learn something so it’s obvious they don’t know everything and many things.

However stupid the question might be don’t kill the curiosity. If they fail help them out, if they stumble pick them up but don’t laugh at them. Don't ever compare them.  If they can’t make small mistakes in the class they are bound to make bigger errors in the future. Don’t belittle your students enrich them with knowledge and empower them.

A 45 minutes class isn’t enough for you to understand each and every student and give enough time. But again understand that you have 45 minutes and at times those 45 minutes a day is enough to change someone’s life.

   4)     Make it practical and use technology

There are very few students who have genuine interest to study. The very first day of the class is also forced. They are wailing and crying but yet they are forced to leave their home reluctantly. In this case it’s very necessary that you make learning fun.  If you are teaching about invertebrates then bring samples along.

Teach the practical implication of derivatives and anti derivatives before asking your students to mug the formula up. Use technology and if using technology isn’t feasible every time, just make it practical. One of my English teachers made English classes so much of fun. She used to bring a new activity each week, conduct brainstorming sessions, made us write poems, conducted quizzes and games which developed our interest on English and she also finished the syllabus on time. See how can one make such a theoretical stuff so practical?

   5)   It's high time that you update yourself (rather than only updating your mobile apps) 

When a dress you just bought few months ago stops looking good at you how do you think the teaching methodology you used ten years back will help you out? A great teacher isn't just a teacher he should be a learner too.  When you find pride on imposing your perspective and keeping a blind eye and deaf ears on students you become a perfect example of a bad teacher.

Make the class interactive. Don’t steal those 45 minutes from them by making the class one way traffic. Students these days have access to so much of knowledge they always come up with one thing or other. My students have taught me many things I was completely unaware about.

Thus don't just pump your information but draw their knowledge out too. Just because you have crossed the qualifying tests or met criteria set by the organization doesn’t make you perfect. There are always rooms for improvisation. Thus be humble and receptive.

   6)    Being Gabbar Singh of 21st century doesn't help

Don’t breed fear in students rather be respected because once students stop being afraid whatever you do, you can’t keep your class organized and that day will be the biggest failure of your life. Studying shouldn’t be equals to student dying.

 63.3% of the respondents in my survey had faced corporal punishment during their childhood. Thinking that being friendly with students will worsen the chaste student teacher bond  is the worst thing to do. Definitely too much of friendliness breeds contempt but the blend of discipline and friendliness makes things better.

    7)    Don’t try to be Google 

Which came first? Egg or chicken? If you don’t have the answer to this with proofs you don’t know everything.  Please don’t teach wrong things just to prove you know all. Instead you can say that you don’t have much idea on it and  teach it some other day after learning about it. If you are wrong admit it because we all know you aren’t always checking your students. :/

     8)     Be approachable and equal to all

Preferring one student over the other is the worst thing to do. If you don’t do that in your family, fearing sibling rivalry why do you do it in your class? When I was studying in grade 2 my science teacher always focused on one student, he brought her chocolates gave her stickers and smileys and was very stingy when it came to even making a smiley in other notebooks. I myself tried a lot to get that smiley. Improved my handwriting, drew lines after every answers but still  I never got one, breeding hatred towards that friend of mine.

This always creates a division so before favoring one student over other (in terms of beauty, grades, sex) be careful. Be equally approachable and fair to all.

"My BE teacher is my favorite" says Junu Kala Shrestha. "He always gives his cent percen and untill and unless all students don't understand, he explains the lessons without getting irritated. For weak students he conducts extra classes and teaches them in simpler manner. Through drawings and his own life experiences he tries to motivate all the students."

When I write this list of complaints I am not alone. I represent the voices of many other students. When I am talking about this, I don’t forget all those teachers who have made my learning life a beautiful one. Who have always believed on me, pushed me for more, who have made the classes so interesting that I never slept, who trusted on me even when I flunked, who have seen my hidden talent rather than judging me on academic grounds, who have been proud of me but then if I count 20 years of study and the number of good teachers they aren’t even handful.

I believe teaching is one of the most challenging professions as it is this  profession which breeds doctors, engineers and every other professionals. If teaching is a mere profession for you rather than a passion it's better you switch the field. The day teaching becomes your passion you will never need teacher’s day for your students to understand your value.

Colors of Chengdu

I rechecked all the things in my luggage just in case I had missed anything. My mom was constantly nagging on how lazy I was and how I was never prepared on time. So I hurried with my luggage towards the airport assuming that I would be the last one to reach there.  I rushed towards the waiting room (I reached there in 5 minutes thank god the immigration was way fast) but voila no one was there. After an hour I got to meet all. Passing the cold and heartless mountains of Lhasa, we stepped Anren, Chengdu. 

One of the reasons I have always loved China is because of the way it makes me feel beautiful. It makes me love myself and my eyes more and more. The happiness I get when people call me “Piaoliang” and rush for selfies is beyond words. It gives me a celebrity feel.

As the journey was exhausting and due to the additional flight delay in transit, we went straight to bed the first night . The hotel we were taken to was built in typical Chinese style. Making my mind to check everything around I went with one of my seniors to the park nearby for a morning walk the next day. Just like in a typical village in Nepal all the shop keepers were cleaning their shops, properly assembling there materials to display. Old men were sitting in a corner and chatting while some were playing cards. Each and every shop had completely different thing to offer which made every shop stand out. 

In the park there were people of all age groups who were practicing martial arts. Ancient home, Ancient lifestyle and simplicity of the people in Anren was completely different from the modern china. Anren was beautifully decorated with Chinese lanterns and colorful umbrellas. A stroll there could just erase all your stress.

 As the sun was approximately present only for three hours a day the weather was soothing. This city is famous for food with chilli and pepper, everything besides tea and water has Schezwan pepper in it!  It is believed that Schezwan pepper keeps your body hot and chilli makes you sweat.

We then visited the museums of Chengdu. The way they preserved their history using modern technology was commendable. There weren’t many things that were presented. Our Chawni museum has many more things than those places but the maintenance made the museum unique.

The other day we  moved towards the city area of Chengdu. The red, yellow, orange and white poppy flowers gave the roadways an ombre effect. The third, fourth and fifth day were meant for visits in world heritage sites. 

So firstly we went to Leshan Giant Buddha. The Buddha was the mountain and the mountain was itself a giant Buddha. It is believed that it took 90 years to carve the mountain. The craftsmen have done their work pretty well and that too realizing it was thousands of years back it makes you praise dedication and craftsmanship. The charm of the architectural artistry, coils embedded in the head, small Buddha carvings in the large Buddha was praiseworthy.

Next day we headed towards Mount Emei. Maybe because I belong to a mountainous country Mount Emei did not impress me. But one of the best things there were the monkeys. The monkey would pose for photos if you gave them food.

The last day and the best part for me was our visit to Chengdu giant panda research building center. The 3D movies, documentaries, skeletal replicas, fossils and models, breeding homes, flowers, swan lake, giant panda and red panda made the center lively and fun. Since my childhood I had always loved pandas and seeing it so close to me was surreal. There were large open areas for the giant pandas to roam where I could observe the giant pandas of different ages resting, eating drinking, and playing with each other. It was not only limited on pandas but the center also had swans, peacocks cranes, white storks, butterflies and insects.  It was an absolutely delightful experience. If I have an opportunity I would definitely bring my husband/ boyfriend (future) and my mom to prove that there is still an organism in this world who is way choosy and BHAU KHAANE and lazy than me.

For me the night life of Chengdu was better than the day. I have always been a photophilic: Lover of lights and Chengdu was the place I was searching for. Origami lights, Chinese lanterns, Chinese rooster lights, fairy lights, running lights fountain, you name it everything was there.

The best thing about Chengdu was that love was professed openly. Guys were wooing there girls, couples were walking hand in hand and women with their head bent on their men’s shoulders. It was a lovely sight. But within that it was sad to see how much of pressure Chinese men had to go through. While travelling to Mount Emei I couldn’t see any women carrying a single thing but the men could barely walk. Listening to cases where men would work for a complete day and had to come to home and cook and massage their lady’s feet was not that digesting. Nepalese men seemed pretty lucky compared to Chinese.

 The journey was definitely for a short time span but the memories were beautiful. From getting lost in the city with one of my friends, to hurrying in Chengdu panda research center so that I would miss nothing. From listening to beautiful tracks in the background and seeing people dance to lights everywhere that brought the child within me out. The journey was definitely wonderful.