A Woman's letter to the world!

Dear World,

I am a woman. A woman who constantly juggles her personal life and professional life yet is always taken for granted and never appreciated. If only you had to hire someone for everything I did, man you would be broke!
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“Keti bhayera dherai chumchum nagare hunxa. Bihe garera ghar chodne jaat hos, aafno thaauma bas”  if I would get a penny every time I had heard this I would have already been a billionaire with my photo in the Forbes list.
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Men based in Australia searching for nurses as their wives (because its economically profitable) is normal but if I search a business tycoon, Hey I am an official gold digger.
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And if I am a goal digger, its worse ain’t it? I mean that would make me arrogant and a bad mother right? And again if I clean my husband’s bank account I am definitely gonna be the highlight of the kitty party. If a male boss is stiff he is commanding if I do the same I am bossy. If I don’t respond when you approach as I am waiting for my drink in a bar I am arrogant and if I do I am ready to get in your pants. What logic!

Why is it that I am judgmental if I focus on appearances of a guy at the very first hand when I get marriage proposal but it’s not same in the men’s case if they look for bigger assets?

As I walk towards my office, it infuriates me when people say "Ek haatle taali Bajdaina" after reading news on rape cases. Seriously? Now tell me that a five year old goes to 40 years old and asks for it. Tell me a 75 years old woman who can barely walk gets raped because she is horny. (Claps)

If a guy enters to my home my neighbors beat Shakespeare and FBI. One for developing drama and second for too much of investigation. With their tiny minds and bigger mouths they keep on trumpeting. But hey whatever happens, the guy isn’t the one to be blamed. Blame on me. (Nods)

If I reach to a guy’s home it’s definite that I am to be blamed. How dare I go to my friend’s home? How dare I invite my friend in my home? Isn’t it giving him an open invitation? Let him awkwardly stand outside the gate in the scorching sun. Chuck the Atithi devo bhava. (Salute)

As soon as I hit 20s I am asked to learn cooking. Not because it is a skill that all human should possess but because hey my husband would not and could not do that. How can I believe males can’t cook when Gordon Ramsey (considered to be world’s best chef) is a god damn male? How can I believe males can’t cook when I find only male chefs with white aprons and white caps in every hotels and restaurants I go?

The worst one calling everything PMS. If I am angry it is assumed that I am going through that time of month. If I am sick, again that time of month. Then starts the custom of naming PMS as “naatak”. Before you call our PMS tantrums or nakhara or naatak do you have the slightest idea of how painful it is? I know now you will come up with the question do you know how painful it gets when someone hits you on your balls? No. I don’t have them so no. But do you get hit on your balls every 5 days a month? Nervous breakdowns, cramps, back pain, nausea, irritation, dizziness, bloating hits you all at the same time and you expect us to be normal?

If I am short who marries a Lilliput? If I am tall how will I find a boy? I mean who marries a walking Gulliver? If I am fat I am not a marriage material. Who is gonna marry me when I occupy two seats in a public vehicle? Fats only in ass and breasts look good not everywhere. And again If I am skinny (skinny enough to be called a toothpick or for the air to blow me) how can I carry my baby’s weight? Why am I just talking about marriage? Isn’t it the only thing that women are born for according to the society? If I don’t get married wouldn’t my relatives and neighbors be jobless? (Smirks)

Let’s suppose I am a rebel who marries the person I love. This love shuv should happen after marriage right? Considering that suppose I am a rebel. Once again it’s not the man to be blamed. I mean which man approaches for love? There are two people in a relationship but it’s only the woman to be interrogated, blamed and bashed. No one says hey you are a Nepali man you need to marry the girl who your parents choose, do they?

From the very first ritual and very first day I am expected to start my marital journey with sacrificing my surname and the list never ends. If I am sick any day then the line would be “biraami raixau. Dal bhaat pakaayera bhaada maajideu ani kapda haru dhoideu and satta bhui pusera rest gara na ta.” Why is it that you worship fictitious women but at times forget that we should be treated at least like a human being?

Why do I become “unmotherly” when I say I am not ready for a baby but my husband doesn’t become “unfatherly” if he says the same? Why is it okay for him to be career focused but not for me? Realizing that it’s me who has those mammary glands and uterus shouldn’t I be equally ready too?And if I am not ready to give birth I should be ready to hear words like infertile, baajho and what not? The worst part those words hardly come from men.

85% in bachelors degree, super pretty, topper of her batch. Well I am not talking about me that's my best friend. How you wish to be like her? How I wish no one has life like hers. A day before her boards too she is expected to organize a feast for her in-laws while her husband and  mother in law sit idle with their legs on the table. With smile attached on her face, she works without complaints. Only I remember her face when she said that she would never look at her in laws once she steps the foreign land. And you ask why do women these days want men who have settled outside Nepal?

“My wife is so childish” before you say that while munching those cashew nuts with whiskey on the rocks remember how much of care and attention you demand and how possessive you are. Okay I am not saying you to be charged up every single time. I know when we ourselves are not in a state to understand problems around us, you aren’t a god to get it. But at least stand besides and listen to it rather than just pretending.
 
I know it isn’t fair for me to blame men completely for the pain we have been going through. We women ourselves are responsible too. When women bash women, keep on backbiting about each other, treat daughter in laws poorly just because they didn’t come loaded with dowry, treat them harshly if they didn’t give birth to a male child and if they themselves do not support women our expectations from men seems futile.

See the world is neither men’s nor women’s; it’s ours. The fact that there are good men too cannot be fathomed. All I am saying is I want more of the good men and more of the good women. It’s not only babies that are born out of unison of male and female. The entire world becomes brighter if we are in a symphony. Maybe men have come from Mars and we from Venus but we have settled in earth and we should make it beautiful. Let’s share the load emotionally, financially and morally. It will not make me less of a woman and you less of a man.

Hoping for a change.
 
Yours faithfully,

A woman.

Mandatory Birthday Blog

My sister knows it the best. Though I act pretty calm and composed as soon as April hits, I am mentally counting every single moment like 3 days more, 2 days more, one day more until my birthday does come.

Every year my birthday starts at 12:00 a.m when my sister wakes me up (I act like I am in deep sleep) and yells and takes the entire home on her head (yet my parents are snoring and completely unaware) :D It’s been like a yearly culture I guess.

And as always my parents forget my birthday, if not reminded everyday starting from March. The only difference is, my mom acts confident as hell even if she forgets it while my dad comes up with crappy excuses and facial expressions too funny to digest.

Nevertheless, thank you everyone. Your wishes really made my day and I really need it as the silver jubilee of my life is just round the corner and it’s definitely not an exhilarating feeling. The dreadful no. 24 (for an age), did in fact bring some wisdom into my life and would like to share my top 24 (definitely not liking the no. already :3)

1)      YOUR MOM IS ALWAYS RIGHT

Yes!! It took me 24 years to realize that one’s mom is always right (99.99%). She has those superhuman eyes that look onto the other soul and can tell in a split of a second if the other individual makes for a right company or not.

2) YOUR LIFE IS GONNA HAVE MORE TWISTS THAN GOT.

Watching GOT always made me feel that drama was filled to the brim for a series and nothing in reality could even come at par with it.  Guess what?  You’ve never been more mistaken in your life, for it’s going to be in your very own life.

Fake people, people who’d put the Mimic Octopus to shame for its exceptional fooling(mimicry) capabilities, and people who fabricate stories faster than you can hit the snooze button early morning will be in plentiful number and be wary of them.

3) NO ONE IS PERFECT. THAT’S THE REASON YOUR LOVED ONES ARE SENT TO THE EARTH: TO FILL UP THE EMPTY SPACES AND MAKE YOUR LIFE PERFECT.

4) THERE’S NOTHING WORSE THAN BEING IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF BEING LONELY

If people make you doubt on yourself, feel trapped then just run as far as you can from those toxic people. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing is more important than your well-being. Better alone than with the wrong ones.

5) RIGHT PEOPLE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH YOUR HARDEST TIMES

No complaints no demands (maybe just one allowed: P)

6) CELEBRATE AT THE SLIGHTEST GIVEN CHANCE

Always find an excuse to pamper yourself even if it means binge eating and going above the 2500 cals bar or taking yourself on a long ride or a date. (just make sure to go healthy then)

7) YOU ARE YOURS BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE

There’s nothing wrong in being self-centered unless it’s at the expense of someone else. Love yourself like there’s no other. Light those aromatic candles, sip a cup of coffee and most importantly be the hero of your life.

8) CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY

Not every attack demands a counter and not every accusation needs to be cleared out. People who believe in you will dump those accusations the very instance and the rest aren’t worth explaining. Thus direct your energy for the right cause.

9) DON’T SAVE YOUR VOICE FOR TOMORROW

If something’s bothering you clear it out that very instance. Trust me the relief of getting over a burden is just soothing.   

10) BE THE BIGGER WO/MAN & LET IT GO

Well hearing that from an Aries is definitely unusual. I really had a list inspired by Aarya Stark, my list of vengeance. But these 24 years have taught me it’s too heavy a burden to hold on. Despite having witnessed multitudes of deception & being a non-believer of the ‘Cycle of Karma’, I chose my freedom from the feeling of revenge. Investing time on something to rid of it is just counter-productive on its very own.

11) DON’T TRUST PEOPLE EASILY

A lesson hard learned; Let people earn your trust don’t bestow it upon them. Don’t give it out as a handout. 

12) ONE MINUTE OF POSITIVITY = ONE LESS MINUTE ON NEGATIVITY

Time is the most luxurious commodity you’ll ever have

13) CLICK PICTURES

It’s always better to live the moment instead of clicking them, but snaps do help you on your walk down the memory lane.

14) YOU CAN’T BE EVERYWHERE

No matter how hard you try or how good you are at multitasking you will always miss some things in life. Thus enjoy what you have around you.

15)  KEEP IT SHORT?? NYAHH MAKE IT LONG

Hey I am not talking about the length of the clothes but about making your answers long (answer in exams) However practical teachers are and they ask to write to the point and not copy their notes and believe in originality, at the end of the day they prefer length. Marks in Nepal are directly proportional to the length of your answers and at times it doesn’t even matter if the answer you have written makes logic or not. (Students of Science and management performing calculations don’t have to agree on this)

16)  YOU GET USED TO THINGS
Going through a rough patch? Give it time (yes a cliché) I won’t lie saying things will get better but you will definitely get used to it, and you do learn to deal with it bit by bit and better by the day. Every one’s life is fifty shades fucked up. Might sound pessimistic but that’s the reality.

17) DON’T MAKE PROMISES IF YOU CAN’T KEEP IT

Our words and promises mean nothing unless we back them up with actions. It shakes faith from promises and establishes the point promises are meant to be broken.

18 ) YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE IMMUNE TO PAINFUL FEELINGS

 Taught to me by best friend Dikshant Rajbhandari; you don’t have to be immune to be pain. Feel every sensation around you. Cherish all the small moments and the tiny bits we try and ignore. Feel the pain, feel the heartbreak, and feel the helplessness. Cry, scream do whatever it takes for your heart to heal. For it’s not about being immune to pain but having fear, pain and problems still having the courage and ability to deal with it.

19) THE WORLD IS FILLED WITH IDIOTS, BE AS STRONG AS MRF TYRES :P

You tend to and also need to develop a thick skin, for you can’t respond to all that comes your way.

20) GOOD FOOD CAN IMPROVE YOUR MOOD BABAY!

Trust me on this. Eat your heart’s fill for after your 20s your tummy starts responding

21) EXPECTATIONS SCREW YOU UP WHETHER IT’S FROM YOURSELF OR OTHERS

22) YOU CAN’T TRAIN YOUR MIND TO BE RIGID

You might have been crying a moment ago and laughing this instance, hated someone but like them now. It’s human mind and it’s impossible to keep a leash on every emotion, for its racing faster than Usain Bolt. For that’s how human are and it’s okay.

23) DON’T TAKE PEOPLE FOR GRANTED

Here I give major focus to our parents. You think you have grown old. Every time we go to school or catch up for a re-union it shocks us how fast we have grown and it hits harder when some of our friends are now parents.

One thing to realize is that if we have grown old so have our parents. Witnessing my friends deal with the demise of their parents is very troubling to the core. Thus appreciate the people you have in your life.

24) FOCUS ON MULTIPLYING HAPPINESS RATHER THAN ELIMINATING PAIN

The more one thinks about pain the more one’s empowering it. Focus on the good emotions and don’t be hesitant to tell people that you’re missing them, love them, appreciate their skills. So I started investing on my happiness which has made me happy.